You know how this goes.

You’re standing in your corner and they’re standing in theirs. The line has been drawn because somebody crossed the line and now you’re both cross.

There’s a dim spotlight shining over both of you. Each of you is getting pumped up and fluffed. You’ve got a thick, terrycloth towel hanging on your head which somehow, is already sweating profusely. Your coach is pounding down your shoulders and back and then squirts a shot of water down your throat as you stare down your opponent for dear life.


You look like a mean, frustrated, famished and pissed-off pit bull. So does your opponent. From the outside, no one would guess that both of you are shaking and shivering like a lamb bound for slaughter.

Who started this? You? Him? Her? That’s basically irrelevant at this point. The warning shot was fired, somebody ignored it and now …


If you’re enjoying this, you’re part of the problem. I’m now looking at you funny because you totally want to know how to win a fight, don’t you? Yeah, I know.

This is why fighting never ceases. This is why war will always be a reality. This is why people are always battling over this or that. People like to fight. Few will admit it, but it’s true.

The question is … how do you win a fight?

And see, that’s precisely my point. If you’re concerned about how to win a fight … for future reference no less … that means you’re anticipating fighting someone at some point and if you’ve read an essay that actually tells you how to win a fight, that means you’re okay with fighting, especially if you have insight into how to win one.

I dare say that if you learn how to win a fight, you’re only biding your time. No?

Am I right?

Oh … and yes. You could argue that I’m just as responsible here. More on that in a moment.

I remember back when I was in college. I had this crappy roommate named Chris. Yes, that’s his real name. He was a “Grade-A Jerk.” He tried on numerous occasions to get me into arguments over ridiculous things. He behavior was beyond petty. It was trifling.

One evening, I returned back from dining hall with a friend who bunked in an adjacent room. As I walked back into my room, I detected the distinct smell of peppermint. At the time, I was a Velamint freak and I would frequently have unopened packs of the breath mints in the top drawer of my desk.

Anyway, Chris was lying on his bed looking at me as I entered. The dude was literally making swirling sounds with candy in his mouth. As I opened my top drawer to toss away my keys, I noticed that someone had ravaged what had been an unopened pack of mints.

I looked back at him, he looked at me with this look on his face as if to say…


With that, I walked out of the room and into the room of my suite mate nearby.

“You need to just get another room man!” my friend said. “He’s a dick!”

The next morning, I went to Residence Life and told them the deal. I moved into a new room in another building the following week.

Here’s my point. You cannot, I repeat, you cannot win a fight with someone who wants to lure you into a fight. Sure, you can get into a fist fight with the person and you can even win the matchup. However, if that person’s intention was to get you into a fight in the first place, you’ve lost the fight if you fall into their trap.

In this day and age, there are far too many people who like to fight. Fighting makes them feel alive. Even if they lose the argument or fight, they just love it.

Yes, fighting and arguing are physical acts, but they’re more psychological than anything else. Actually, fighting of any sort is a total mind game. The world’s legendary boxers will tell you that much.

Some arguments and fights can’t always be avoided. Sometimes, before you know it, you’re involved in a full-blown argument with someone and when it’s over, you ask yourself …

“How did THAT happen?”

But that’s the problem. I believe we temporarily and literally lose our minds when we get into arguments and fights. It just doesn’t make sense. When you’re fighting, you’re both screaming at one another, no one is listening and it’s crazy.

This isn’t about being a wimp or wuss. It’s about personal integrity. Okay, I’ll admit it. It’s also about strategy.

If you want to win a fight with anyone, the best way to win a fight is by not allowing yourself to be dragged into one in the first place. It can be tough, but it CAN be done.

Just try this. The next time you feel yourself maybe on the verge of getting into a fight, STOP and THINK. All you need is a few heartbeats to do this.

Take a deep breath in and think … COMPOSURE.  When you exhale, think … STRATEGY and PERSONAL INTEGRITY. You do not have to let your ego or flesh control you.

I’ve lived long enough to know that the best way to WIN a fight … is by not getting into one in the first place. It’s the sweetest of victories.

Believe me you. Your opponent will look at you and have no idea what didn’t hit them. They'll be blindsided and confused and they won't know what to do next because they subconsciously know that you won't fall into any of their traps.

Game over.

But here's where you seal your victory. Be gracious to them. Do NOT gloat. If you gloat, you give them a foothold to make a comeback. If you are gracious, you become a kick-ass warrior and an overwhelming conqueror. You unquestionably become part of the elite.

Do yourself a favor and try this. I'm telling you, it will revolutionize your life. From here on, you won’t lose anything because you’ll know there’s nothing to gain.

Fighting … or not fighting … is a total mind game. And the mind that really changes and grows is your own.




Why People Fight