(Excerpt from: "Art For The People: A Collector's Journal")

1. Open you eyes.  
2. Take the index fingers and thumbs of both of your hands and make a square with them.  Peer through this square. 
3. Walk up to the painting, but keep about an eight-foot distance away from it so that your eyes can properly focus.  Of course, proper distance depends on the size of the painting.  The larger the piece, the more space between you and the painting may be required.
4. Look dead-on at the painting (this also applies to sculptural works).  Really SEE it.  Gaze at the line, color, shapes and composition.  What does it say to you?  How do you respond?  How does it make you feel?  Does it remind you of anything in your own life?
5. Take two steps to the right.  Now study it.
6. Take four steps to the left.  Spin around and clap your hands.  Study it again.  Get into the groove.  It's an angle thing.
7.  Return to the center.  Now take several steps backward, but watch out for people passing by.  Clap your hands twice.  Study the painting from your new vantage point.  Tilt your head from left to right.  Breathe.
8.  Standing where you are, turn so that your back now faces the painting.  Remain stoic.  Turn only your head toward the painting.  Now what do you see?
9.  Keeping your back to the painting ... *bend down and do a headstand or handstand ... whichever feels more comfortable for you.  Pack a pillow. This will cushion a possible fall.  How does the painting look from upside down?  Do you like it better?
10.  Ignore the other people who may be giving you weird looks.  They're just jealous because they can't do headstands (or handstands).  Don't let them steal your joy.
11. Return to center.  Recapture your Zen place.  Facing the painting, sit down in Lotus position or Indian-style on the floor.  Meditate.  Study the painting again.  Channel the energy.  Feel yourself suddenly rising from the floor.  Yes, you're levitating.  Awesome.  Hang here and BE AT ONE with the art.
12. Lower yourself back to earth.  Allow yourself to bask in the presence of this great thing.  Feel it.  Baptism by inspiration.  This is what life is supposed to be about.  As you admire, ask yourself, "How can I apply this to my life?"  "How can I raise MY LIFE to the level of art?"
13. Read the description card next to the art.  Jot down some notes for future reference.
14. Stand up, clasp your hands like you're praying and gracefully nod before the painting.  Be grateful and walk away.
15. As you're leaving, spin around and give the painting one final look.  If you're a chick, swing your hips from side to side.  If you're a dude, sway your hips from side to side.  Wink at the masterpiece, point at it with both of your index fingers and say out loud, "YOU BAD-ASS!"
16. Smile, snap your fingers and strut onward to the next masterpiece.

17. Repeat steps 1-16 until they throw you out of the place.

18. You're done.  


*Only attempt a headstand or handstand with the assistance of a qualified gymnastics coach (who also loves art) or yoga instructor spotting you.  Safety first!


How To Commission A Painting